The half full tumbler of my world has now cracked. Some weeks ago my grandson committed suicide. I have now lost three crucially important people in my life in just six weeks. Its unbelievably hard to stop the contents of the glass from leaking out. However I shall continue to try.
Had I but known the noose was round your neck,
Well this is what I thought when I was told,
I might have salvaged you from looming wreck.
But now your body’s quiet, still and cold.
You waited until after grandma’s day
The day we said goodbye to her and cried
I wish to God you’d come to me to say
That in your heart you had already died.
I gave you then a token that I care,
A bloom that showed you you were much adored.
I wish oh wish you’d had the heart to share
Your pain, that we could help you loose that cord.
Of course these thoughts are really meaningless,
You were decided on that awful act,
Nothing we could say, no fond caress
Would change your mind and leave us all intact.
I find it hard to grasp that all your pain,
Was so great the agony outweighed
All the grief and tears and sorrow that enchain
Those you loved, you’ve left us all dismayed.
I cannot find it in my heart to blame
You for the anguish that now dogs my life,
Or racking grief that now invades my frame,
As now you’re freed from awful hidden strife.
I’ll try and concentrate on seeking balm,
Remember all the laughs and talks we had,
I’ll still my sobs and search for peace and calm,
Enjoy the times we spent and not be sad.